it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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