Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My ATM looks so different sober.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
