True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
