Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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