Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
