The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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