he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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