went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
