Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
