filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
PANTIES FOUND
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