My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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