Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize