i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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