We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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