anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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