i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
