please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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