Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just cropdusted the office
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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