you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
