Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
