is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
