I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize