apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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