I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
