I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
