my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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