You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
