I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize