Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
