i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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