Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize