I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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