these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize