I must be too annoying 4 u.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
