There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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