I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize