he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
