So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
