youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
