i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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