I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Randomize
