he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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