do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize