she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
