Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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