cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
