omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
