my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
