Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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