You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
