You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
