my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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