I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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