When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
