Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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