Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
