I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
