She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
