he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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