yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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