Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
