I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
