At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
