I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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