for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
