She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
