So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
