I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
