She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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