life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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